Behind the Pages: God Was Writing the Story Long Before I Was

Did you know that I used to struggle with reading and writing?

As I've reflected on the journey of writing Refined, I've been amazed to realize just how long ago God began this work, completely unbeknownst to me.

When I was in elementary school, reading was difficult for me. Thankfully, one of my teachers recognized that I needed some extra help and recommended that I work with a reading tutor outside of school.

What a gift that turned out to be even though I didn't see it that way at the time!

I was a very shy, inward and insecure little girl. Having to get "extra help" only seemed to magnify those insecurities. I didn't want the attention. I didn't want to go to tutoring. Most of all, I didn't want anyone to know that I needed help. It made me feel different and at that age, the last thing I wanted was to be different. I simply wanted to fit in and know that I belonged.

As I've thought about that little girl, I've been reminded that Jesus understands what it feels like to be rejected and misunderstood. Isaiah 53:3 describes Him as "despised and rejected by mankind." Yet Jesus willingly walked the road set before Him because of His incredible love for us. He endured rejection, suffering and ultimately the cross so that through Him we could be forgiven, restored and brought into relationship with God.

What I couldn't understand as a child, and what has taken me many years to truly embrace, is that my security was never going to be found in fitting in and wasn't going to come from what other people thought of me.

It wasn't going to come from being good enough, accomplishing enough or making everyone around me happy.

My security and identity is found in Christ. Which brings me back to that little girl struggling to read.

That tutor I didn't want to see each week patiently helped me become a confident reader. Years later, I became a teacher myself and, of all things, taught reading and language arts! Eventually, reading and journaling became two of the primary ways I processed life and spent time with God.

And now, decades later, the words I had been writing privately between God and me began to become something else.

They became Refined.

Isn't that just like God?

He was preparing pieces of this story long before I had any idea what He was doing. Something that once made me feel different and insecure became part of the very journey He would eventually use to help me encourage others.

That's one of the lessons Refined has taught me over and over again: God doesn't waste the pieces of our stories.

Maybe there's a part of your story you've wished was different. Maybe there's an insecurity, a struggle or even an old wound that you've wondered how God could possibly use.

Don't count it out.

The God who created you knows every part of your story, including the chapters you would rather rewrite. As you get to know His heart toward you, you can begin to find freedom from the need to be defined by the world or by the opinions of others.

You belong to Him.

You are loved by Him.

And you are free to walk confidently in who He created you to be.

My friend, claim His love, His forgiveness and His faithfulness as your own. You may just discover that God has been writing something beautiful through your story all along.

I know He was in mine.